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A suggestion for either candidate
There’s one presidential debate left, but the space I’ve set aside in my head for repetitive bumperstickerism is all filled up and no more spin will fit through my ears. I’d like to see something new. Therefore, even though I’ve otherwise made up my mind, I promise to vote for whichever candidate looks directly into the camera and, punctuated by the loose-fist-with-semi-extended-thumb gesture, delivers the following closing statement:
My fellow Americans,
I like pie.
I like cherry pie.
I like apple pie.
I even like...
Strawberry-rhubarb pie.But my fellow Americans,
Let me tell you:Shepard’s pie.
Is. Not. A. Pie.Thank you and god bless.
I’ve timed myself doing this speech, and it can be forcefully delivered in thirty-seven seconds. A strong appeal to deep-rooted values and no worries about the two-minute blinkenlights; how could you go wrong?
October 9, 2004 | Permalink
Comments
Why leave all that time on the table? The advice I give to attractive women applies here: "If you got it, use it..."
To fill in the time, you could go on about how you've always preferred pies over waffles, your "Leave no Pie Behind" act, or how you consider yourself the champion of pie rights and you could pull out a 119 second response.
:)
Posted by: Travis Swicegood | Oct 11, 2004 12:29:20 PM
Well, this isn't exactly what you asked for, and no mention was made of shepherds' pie (or is it shepherd's pie? I gotta dust off my copy of Eats, Shoots, and Leaves), but it's pretty damn close for a politician—and he anticipated your request over four years ago:
Bush said during the course of a 15 February 2000 Republican debate (moderated by CNN host Larry King) in Columbia, South Carolina, between Texas Governor George W. Bush, Senator John McCain of Arizona, and former Reagan administration official Ambassador Alan Keyes.
Elderbear
Fighting for cherry pie, against creeping fascism, one HTML tag at a time.
Posted by: Elderbear | Oct 16, 2004 1:48:18 AM
Yes, which pie is the answer. Whether it be pot pie or shepard's pie, but the pie at risk here, regardless of the mindless mouthpiece that may wish us all well, is the American Pie.
Quite Simply put in the terms of a Pie,
AMERICA FIRST! Due to our role as the World's Care Giver & Superpower, and all of the trappings that go with it, how on earth do you expect the United States to compete with those that do not carry such a burden in the race to the bottom of GLOBALIZATION?TR would have said, "You wanna talk about trade agreements with the United States, meet me on an Aircraft Carrier, yours or mine?"
See, everybody likes to eat from our Pie and leave without cleaning up. Today, our Pie is being challenged by another Pie in the Far East. This Pie grows at the expense of the G7 Nations and will ultimately consume the host; cancer.
What is the usual treatment for Cancer Patients? Are you feeling it?
For better understanding visit America First!
and definately don't miss this little jewel,
The China Syndrome - CBS News / 60 Minutes
Cheers!
D
Posted by: Deckard | Oct 16, 2004 10:28:14 AM
See, everybody likes to eat from our Pie and leave without cleaning up.
Uh, I think we were the ones who pulled out of the Kyoto Accords unilaterally, leaving the rest of the world to clean up after us ...
Today, our Pie is being challenged by another Pie in the Far East. This Pie grows at the expense of the G7 Nations and will ultimately consume the host; cancer.What is the usual treatment for Cancer Patients? Are you feeling it?
Radiation therapy? Chemo therapy? Surgery?
If we can't pacify a few million Iraqis, how on earth would we deal with Chinese pie?
Elderbear
Fighting creeping fascism one HTML tag at a time.
Posted by: Elderbear | Oct 17, 2004 1:08:08 AM
I’ve been to China several times and eaten everything from pickled sea slug (gooey) to baked snake ribs (crunchy). I don’t think they have pie. We have nothing to worry about.
Posted by: Phil Libin | Oct 19, 2004 12:46:29 AM
